65 Funny Christmas Quotes from Movies – Famous Holiday Films

Christmas movies are a staple of the holiday season, bringing warmth, joy, and plenty of laughs. Whether it’s an absurd mishap, a quirky family tradition, or a hilariously awkward moment, these films remind us not to take the holiday chaos too seriously.

From Elf to Home Alone to National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation, these funny Christmas quotes are guaranteed to keep your spirits bright and your laughter loud.

Let’s dive into 65 of the funniest Christmas movie quotes that perfectly capture the holiday season’s humor.

Funny Christmas Quotes from Elf (2003)

1. “You sit on a throne of lies!” – Buddy

2. “I just like to smile. Smiling’s my favorite!” – Buddy

3. “I’m sorry I ruined your lives and crammed eleven cookies into the VCR.” – Buddy

4. “We elves try to stick to the four main food groups: candy, candy canes, candy corns, and syrup.” – Buddy

5. “I’m in love, and I don’t care who knows it!” – Buddy

6. “Buddy the Elf, what’s your favorite color?” – Buddy

7. “You’re a cotton-headed ninny-muggins!” – Buddy

8. “I passed through the seven levels of the Candy Cane Forest, through the sea of swirly-twirly gumdrops, and then I walked through the Lincoln Tunnel.” – Buddy

9. “I thought maybe we could make gingerbread houses, and eat cookie dough, and go ice skating, and maybe even hold hands.” – Buddy

10. “You smell like beef and cheese! You don’t smell like Santa.” – Buddy

• Related: 100 Festive and Fun Christmas Letter Board Quotes to Brighten Your Holidays

Funny Christmas Quotes from Home Alone (1990)

11. “Look what you did, you little jerk!” – Uncle Frank

12. “Keep the change, ya filthy animal!” – Gangster in the Movie

13. “Fuller, go easy on the Pepsi!” – Kevin’s Mom

14. “Buzz, your girlfriend! Woof!” – Kevin

15. “I made my family disappear!” – Kevin

16. “Why the hell are you dressed like a chicken?” – Marv

17. “Guys, I’m eating junk and watching rubbish! You better come out and stop me!” – Kevin

18. “Bless this highly nutritious microwavable macaroni and cheese dinner and the people who sold it on sale. Amen.” – Kevin

19. “I’m not afraid anymore! You hear me? I’m not afraid anymore!” – Kevin

20. “Is this toothbrush approved by the American Dental Association?” – Kevin

See Also: 100 Christmas Sayings and Quotes to Celebrate the Season

Funny Christmas Quotes from National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation (1989)

21. “Where do you think you’re gonna put a tree that big?” – Todd

22. “Bend over and I’ll show you!” – Clark

23. “Save the neck for me, Clark!” – Cousin Eddie

24. “We’re kicking off our fun, old-fashioned family Christmas by heading out into the country in the old front-wheel drive sleigh to embrace the frosty majesty of the winter landscape and select that most important of Christmas symbols.” – Clark

25. “If that thing had nine lives, she just spent ’em all.” – Cousin Eddie

26. “Clark, stop it! I don’t want to spend the holidays dead!” – Ellen

27. “I don’t know what to say, except it’s Christmas, and we’re all in misery.” – Ellen

28. “You couldn’t hear a dump truck driving through a nitroglycerin plant!” – Uncle Lewis

29. “I’d like to get something for you…something real nice.” – Cousin Eddie

30. “The Griswold family Christmas tree. A little full, lotta sap.” – Clark

Funny Christmas Quotes from The Santa Clause (1994)

31. “Well, isn’t that a pretty picture: Santa rolling down the street in a Panzer!” – Neal

32. “It’s okay, I’m used to it. I lived through the ’60s.” – Bernard

33. “You’re flying? Do I look like a cow?” – Scott Calvin

34. “Seeing isn’t believing. Believing is seeing.” – Judy the Elf

35. “Does this look like a little weight to you?” – Scott Calvin

36. “You killed him!” – Charlie

37. “Is that a polar bear directing traffic?” – Scott Calvin

38. “Can we take a direct flight back to reality, or do we have to change planes in Denver?” – Neal

39. “I’m in big trouble.” – Scott Calvin

40. “You put on a little weight. Does this look like a little weight to you?” – Scott

See Also: 160 Heartwarming Christmas Quotes for Every Holiday Moment

Funny Christmas Quotes from A Christmas Story (1983)

41. “You’ll shoot your eye out!” – Everyone

42. “Only one thing in the world could’ve dragged me away from the soft glow of electric sex gleaming in the window.” – Ralphie

43. “I triple dog dare you!” – Flick

44. “Fra-gee-lay. That must be Italian.” – The Old Man

45. “Oh, fudge!” – Ralphie

46. “Some men are Baptists, others Catholics; my father was an Oldsmobile man.” – Ralphie

47. “My father worked in profanity the way other artists might work in oils or clay. It was his true medium, a master.” – Ralphie

48. “I can’t put my arms down!” – Randy

49. “Meatloaf, smeatloaf, double beatloaf. I hate meatloaf.” – Randy

50. “He looks like a deranged Easter Bunny.” – The Old Man

See ALso: 170 Best Christmas Captions for Instagram: Funny, Cute, & Festive

Funny Christmas Quotes from Scrooged (1988)

51. “I never liked a girl well enough to give her twelve sharp knives.” – Frank Cross

52. “You know I like the rough stuff!” – Frank Cross

53. “Do you know how many cats there are in the world? I don’t.” – Ghost of Christmas Past

54. “The bitch hit me with a toaster!” – Frank Cross

55. “I’m alive! And so are you!” – Frank Cross

56. “For a couple of hours out of the whole year, we are the people we always hoped we would be.” – Frank Cross

57. “Scrape ’em off, Claire.” – Frank Cross

58. “I must kill all of you.” – Frank Cross

59. “It’s Christmas Eve! It’s the one night of the year when we all act a little nicer.” – Frank Cross

60. “Have you tried staples?” – Frank Cross

More Hilarious Christmas Movie Quotes

61. “I planned out our whole day. First, we’ll make snow angels for two hours, then we’ll go ice skating, then we’ll eat a whole roll of Tollhouse cookie dough as fast as we can, and then, to finish, we’ll snuggle.” – Elf

62. “Merry Christmas, you filthy animal.” – Home Alone 2

63. “This is extremely important. Will you please tell Santa that instead of presents this year, I just want my family back?” – Home Alone

64. “How do you say ‘Merry Christmas’ in frog?” – Muppet Christmas Carol

65. “Don’t ever apologize for being rich. Just outsmart the poor people and you’ll stay rich. That’s what Christmas is all about!” – Trading Places

Funny Christmas movie quotes remind us that the holidays aren’t always perfect—but they’re perfectly hilarious.

Whether you’re laughing along with Buddy the Elf’s antics or Kevin McCallister’s clever traps, these quotes capture the joy of holiday chaos.

What’s your favorite funny Christmas movie line? Share it with us and spread the laughter this season!